Ted Nugent + Jack Blades + Tommy Shaw =

(October 5, 2009) --- Hose down the sidewalks and hide the hookers, it’s time for New Yorkers to celebrate World Series win number 27!

“Start spreadin' da boos...”

Last night the New York Yankees defeated the defending champion Philadelphia Phillies 7-3 in Game-6, winning their very first World Series crown since way, waaaay back in 2000. Yes, New York’s long national nightmare is over... and all 8-year old Yankee fans can now sleep peacefully knowing they have finally seen a Major League Baseball Championship. It’s now just a matter of time until Derek Jeter’s glove, Hideki Matsui’s bat and Kate Hudson’s arse will all be inducted into the New York Yankee Hall-of-Fame.

Bud Selig celebrating the victory.

Although the win was inspiring for all arsonists, looters and car-tippers in the Big Apple, it was especially exciting for Alex Rodriguez and Hideki Matsui’s translator. In post-game interviews A-Roid seemed major-league thrilled with baseball’s top crown, his eight-figure salary and the fact the championship came during the Yankee’s first year in their brand new 1.5-billion dollar ballpark. As Jorge Steinbrenner may have said as he slowly disappeared into the cornfield, “If you build it, they will succumb... and I will ruuule the World!!!! um... Series. (evil laugh).”

But then again, when you spend 100-million dollars more than the team with the second-highest payroll, you probably should win a World Series every once in a while.

Just sayin’!

It’s just too darn bad for Milwaukee baseball fans that the team pays its players in bratwurst.

Oh, Those Crazy* Raiders

(November 2, 2009) --- It seems that Tom Cable treats women like John Madden treats turducken.

Ever since the Oakland Raiders head coach “accidentally” broke assistant coach Randy Hanson’s jaw during an altercation last August, news of other “fits of rage” have reared their fugly head.

Three women, including two former wives and a recent girlfriend, claim Coach Cable has a history of violent behavior toward women. To provide some perspective, a veteran Oakland Raiders tackling dummy told the PackerPage that even he was treated better.

He looks like the kind of guy who lets his kids light fireworks with a cigarette.

The Napa County DA’s office explained that Cable merely “bumped” into Hanson's chair knocking him over and that's why he now talks out of his left ear. Apparently, the fist-imprint on Hanson’s chin was just a coincidence.

Please Al... disconnect the Cable.  Go mireless.

(*crazy... ie: “F’ed Up.”)

Happy Halloween from the PackerPage!

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Find a Cure... Punt the Purple!

(October 26, 2009) --- PackerPage sources have learned the identity of this week’s Packer Pro Shop charity cap.

As you know, the Packers have pioneered the use of specially-colored baseball caps to raise funds for team charities, beginning with the original pink “Breast Cancer Awareness” cap and followed in succession by the red “Heart Disease” cap, the stonewashed black “Support Our Troops” military cap and the popular hunter-orange “Hunger Awareness” cap.

Reliable sources have told the PackerPage that this month’s hat will be a light violet twill cap designed to promote awareness of a recently-discovered disorder known colloquially as “Brett Cancer,” a disorder that cripples one’s sense of loyalty and self-esteem and hampers one’s ability to make decisions and stand by them. All proceeds from sales of the “Brett Cancer Awareness” caps will be split between the Charlie Brown Memorial Home for the Wishy-Washy in St. Paul and the Hennepin County Center for the Morally Impaired.

Purple... to match Brett's face after the Vikings choke later in the season.

In related news, the Detroit Lions announced they will soon be selling their own fundraising headwear: a royal-blue “Grandiose Delusional Dementia Awareness” stocking-cap. It’s made of 100-percent wool, features the Super Bowl logo, and has enough material to easily be pulled over the eyes.

-Story compliments of Packer Dave Mitchell (#1165).  Search for Dave on Facebook or MySpace for the latest in detritus!

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